I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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