Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
