she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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