on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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