i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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