new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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