That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
