His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize