pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
