OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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