on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
