Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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