Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
