You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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