Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
