I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
