i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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