no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
