I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
