the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
