There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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