i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
