he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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