that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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