I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
