I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
