at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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