i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
