i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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