So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize