With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
