he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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