If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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