I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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