Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
