do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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