dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
