You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
