I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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