yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
