Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
