Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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