that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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