Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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