Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
