She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
