two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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