so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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