Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Randomize
