So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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