So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
