I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
