Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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