U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I want is dick and wine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
