Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
