Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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