We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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