my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
