I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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