shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
