Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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