Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
