i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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