The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
