hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
