I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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