dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
