Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize