the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
