a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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