Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
