I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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