The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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