i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize