I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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