were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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