My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't tell me you're on acid again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
