I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
