Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize