wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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