So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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