ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
