Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
