I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize