Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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