It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
