Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
