watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
