i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
