called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
