Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My hand turned me down
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
