the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
