I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was like eating out sand paper
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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