she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
