four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
