When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
