took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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