he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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