No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
