If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
