i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
