I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
