It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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