do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
