Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
