proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
