Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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