Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
