mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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