who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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