Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
